While on vacation a friend of mine told me to look up, “whole foods parking lot” on youtube.  The goal was to get me to watch a suburban rap song about the whole foods (super)market.

As an aside, I am a fan of rap music.  Mostly because I am in awe of the lyrical skills that are required to perform such an art.  You can quibble about whether or not rap is actually music.  You’re entitled to your opinion, but I hope you can appreciate the skill required to write such intriguing lyrics.  Alas, much of rap is meaningless chest thumping, which is why I’ve slowly been converting to the more clever suburban versions.  Here’s what my friend was telling me to check out:

Alas, once we all jump on youtube the alluring Gorgon’s song keeps us there for a few more minutes.  I have no idea why they decided I might be interested in such a video, but it appears they were right.  In the suggested viewing along the right side it seems I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to check out a video named, “man sticks his head up girls ass”.  I’d suggest you skip this one, but you probably don’t have any more will power than I.

Next in the intriguing youtube chain is “BEST POLE DANCE MOVE EVER”.  Being a guy I won’t even try to justify why I clicked on this video, but I was absolutely impressed!  The woman in this video has mad skills.

I’ve only ever been to a “gentleman’s club” once and that was with a friend who was performing an ASCAP investigation.  Yes, if you own an establishment that plays music, you should be paying ASCAP licensing fees.  If you’re not, my friend is the guy who comes to your place and discreetly takes notes so he can write the report that will be used against you in civil court.  Essentially, I was his cover.  I had to intercept the girls when they came to our table to try sell us their wares, I mean lap dances.  For the record, none were purchased.  The reason I’ve never gone to a gentleman’s club is because I don’t see the point in paying for nothing.  All legalities aside, why pay for pseudo-sex when you can just pay for sex?  Not that I’ve ever paid for sex either, I’m just sayin’.

Anyway, getting back to the talent on youtube, the next link that caught my eye, not surprisingly was the one entitled, “Mary Ashton – 2011 California Pole Dance Championship Contestant”.  I’m sure you’re thinking that everything a guy does on youtube devolves into some pornographic event.  That may be, but it’s not typically true for me.  What intrigued me about this link was the fact that there existed a pole dance championship.  I supposed I shouldn’t be surprised.  Pretty much anything that is talent oriented turns into a competition in one way or another.

If you actually took the three minutes to watch that video of Ms. Ashton, you couldn’t help but be impressed.  No joke!  She was amazing!  And somehow this skill is looked down upon because she is a full grown woman dancing around a pole, whereas a malformed fifteen year old gymnast is given a gold medal for less skill.  It’s a strange world we live in.